I'm Really Beginning To Hate The Internet

I saw a blip on MSN this morning that grabbed my attention.

One of my favorites from back in the days that I was HEAVILY in to figure skating has passed on.

Christopher Bowman (affectionately called "Bowman The Showman" by his fans and colleagues) was an immensely talented person, but he lead a troubled existence, and was destined to crash. Figure Skating is a tough life to be in and retain your sanity. Many skaters end up involved in drugs or worse, and a number have taken their own lives. It's akin to being a child star (as Christoper was when he was small) - the constant strive for approval, and then when you reach a certain age, the public has moved on to the next big thing.

I found the article fairly well written. I wish they would have left off the "suspected overdose" parts and the dredging up of all his past misdeeds until they know for sure what happened, but that's the way it goes in these types of things.

What sickened me, however, is the commentary left by people below the article. It runs the gamut for predictable - "Who cares about figure skating?" "As much fun as watching paint dry.", to the disgusting - commentary about his sexual orientation in the comment that they were shocked he had a daughter (because all male skaters are ****), to the outlandish - people using this as a platform to pull the race card and other inappropriate stuff.

Like skating or not, Christopher Bowman was a real person. He had family - his mother was a fixture on TV when he was skating. He was married at one time, and does have a daughter. He was a coach, and has students. He had friends. Imagine being close to someone, and finding out they died by seeing a blip on the Internet. Then imagine scrolling to the bottom of the article and seeing the disgusting commentary down there.

No one thinks before they post anymore, and the anonymity of the Internet lets the true sickos display their anger and hatred for all the world to see. While I'm grateful for the Internet for making my life easier, and allowing me to make friends I would have never been able to make otherwise, I hate it for what it has become - a sounding board for the idiots of the world. Almost makes me wish for the days when I would have heard about this on the news, and would have been able to say a prayer for Christopher, and then move on. Now, I'll forever hear those hateful comments in my head when I think of him.

Sad indeed.

Yikes! I've been away for a while!

I knew it had been a while, but not two months! I have many excuses - feel free to pick one:

In my defense, it has been a bit busy. We got a late surge at work for one department, and that kept me busy through early November, when it eased off.

We went to Virginia to visit a friend in early November. We had a good time. We got to see a mall with fantastic 80's architecture and design elements. We stopped at a fantastic candy store (I'm such a little kid in a place like that - plus, they had jumbo Gummi Coke Bottles!) run by an older gentleman who was super-friendly. We had dinner at Don Shula's to celebrate our 13th Anniversary, where I put down the most money I ever have on a meal (don't ask). Nelson finished the "Shula Cut", and he got his name on their website, on a plaque in the lobby, a real autographed picture of Don Shula, and a few weeks later, a letter from Dave Shula. Makes up for it a bit. The steak I had was the best steak I've ever eaten in my life. I also got to go to Tyson's 1, which made me very very happy.

We got the pendulum for the clock, and quickly found out that the clock did not work. We dropped it off with a repairman. It cost $135, but it's hanging on the wall, ticking away (and keeping me awake at night). Plus, the original pendulum turned up, which was a good thing.

With Hanukkah being early this year, our holiday sale kicked in gear earlier than usual this fall. We have had a good season, so far. With next year being an Olympic year, I have a feeling we'll be very busy next fall. We were the last Olympic year. Insanely busy. Nelson came in to help work, and we'd work until Midnight some nights. Exhausting, but it made for a nice paycheck.

Thanksgiving was nice. When we got out of the car at my Aunt's house, the girls were in the picture window, waving at us (they're so darn cute!). We had a nice dinner, and fun with the girls (who again got goodies from us). Then over the weekend, we had to send the laptop back (it died - which has contributed to my absence - I can't get motivated to work in the spare room anymore - I'm spoiled), and then we accompanied a friend on a double/blind date. It was a nephew of my mom's friend. They were convinced they'd get along famously. They were wrong. He was a nice guy, but the two couldn't have been farther apart in terms of interests. It's a shame, because he was smitten with her, but when there's no connection, there's not much point. Plus, then I feel bad because I nudged for this (I hadn't met the guy previously).

We've returned to church, which is a good thing. I missed going. It gives me the ability to try and let go of the junk that happens during the week. Pastor Jim is a fantastic speaker, and has a knack to reach you when you least expect it.

We had lunch with Grammy at the "facility" (they don't like the term "nursing home"). It was less than what we'd pay in a restaurant, the meal was good, and it made me happy to see that she gets fed well. She was good that day. She repeated herself a lot, but she was in good spirits.

I've been putting in 11 hour days most days recently, and half days on Saturday. Today was the lone exception, and I'm a bit embarrassed to say that I did absolutely nothing. In my "spare" time, we've been getting our Christmas shopping done. We're not doing much for Christmas this year. We've decided to pool our money and purchase an extended warranty for the Kia. I did my homework when we bought it, but I didn't realize how much electronic stuff was in there, which gets costly. It will extend my warranty until after my loan is paid, which is what I want.

I set foot in Grammy's house for what will most likely be the last time. It's been sold. They got a nice amount for it, and her care will be covered for a long time. It seemed so strange. The house was empty. The furniture all gone. The only thing left in the kitchen was the stove and the cabinets. I've never ever seen it empty. Nothing on the walls. The heat was off and it was cold. There were a few things left for a charity store to pick-up, and a box of things for my uncle that we'll have to store until he can return from Oklahoma to retrieve them. Yet Grammy thinks she'll still be going home soon. No, we're not going to tell her........

But the laptop is back now, and hopefully so will I.

"I Feel The Moments Hurry On.....

What was today has died away and now it is forever gone" - Early Morning Blues And Greens (The Monkees)

Birthdays don't usually depress me. Another year gone? Meh......

As I have done in the past (more so when I was younger), I shared my birthday with Grammy. Her birthday was on Monday. She was 87. My cousins were up with the two great-grand kids that live within a reasonable distance (Northern Virginia). Sadly, the others live in Oklahoma - all 9 of them (I think that was the last count - maybe 8). I don't get to see the girls as often as I'd like to (they are still little, and not to the point where they remember me when I see them), and I made sure they both got a nice goodie bag from us. Fun to spoil them, then send them home with mom and dad (insert evil smiley).

I wasn't thrilled about trying to spend the day at a local restaurant that is incredibly popular, but a tad overpriced and overrated in my book. However, Grammy loves to eat there, so it's the destination when we're taking her out. On the way up, I even told Nelson I wasn't sure that this was the best way to spend my birthday, in theory, but I was happy to see the girls, and I wasn't sure whether this would be the last birthday we had with Grammy. Nelson said he doubted it (Grammy is in great physical health - it's her mind that is going) but I corrected myself to say that it would likely be the last birthday we had that she would know a little what was going on. He agreed. She's just fading so fast that it's frightening.

When we got to the restaurant, my Aunt called me over, and told me that she found a ceramic canister that I gave Grammy for Christmas about 3 years ago. It still had the candy inside it. She just put it in the closet, and forgot about it. It made us realize that this went back longer and deeper than any of us even thought. Every weekend has been spent by members of my family up at her house, painting and making repairs, and cleaning/cataloging things. We've yet to find the pocket watch that Nelson gave Pappy for his 80th birthday. I don't want to ask Grammy - I doubt she'd even know, plus she thinks that she'll be going back to her house soon. We're not sue whether he might have been buried with it (Grammy handled all those arrangements). He so loved that watch. I gave everyone pictures of a watch that looked like it, and asked them to save it should they find it.

I picked up her washer, dryer, microwave, and refrigerator. I needed appliances, and my Uncle took $50 for all of it, which goes in Grammy's fund to pay for her assisted living. Most of them are almost new. Still, I felt guilty. The realtor said to take them - whoever buys the house will supply their own appliances. Last thing I did before leaving was remove the Cuckoo Clock I bought her and Pappy for their 50th anniversary, back in 1989. I bought it at Willy Neef's in Triburg, Germany and had it shipped back. Broke my heart to take it, but I didn't want anything to happen to it.

Of course, I get it home, hang it, and realize the pendulum is missing. It's not anywhere to be found, and I didn't check to see if it was even on there when we took it. It could have been missing already - I only checked for the pine cones. I ordered a replacement, and can't wait until I can fire it up -I hope it works.

Grammy didn't look real good today. She looked confused. Bit by bit, my mom and dad sneak things in to her apartment from her house. I don't know if that's doing it, or if the Alzheimer's is just progressing at a more rapid rate. I keep telling myself that she's better off where she is. After all, when I cleaned out her refrigerator (I tried to throw out as little as possible, and I kept the things that were still usable - she taught me well), I found 3 year old meat in her freezer. It's frightening to me that she might have tried to eat that. Did she do that and was that what made her sick that day that she fell and ended up in the hospital? The last day she would see her house, back in April? We'll never know. Where she is now, she's looked after, and she likes the people there, but she is waiting to go home. She's convinced that she hurt herself working (she even mentions the last job she had as being where she got hurt) and that she's waiting to be released to go back to work. It just kills me to hear her talk like that.

I whine about it. I say that it's just not fair. But I guess life isn't fair. I could stomach her passing by just going to sleep and not waking up. I hate myself for half wishing that Jesus would call her home to my Pappy and the still born son she had before she loses her mind completely. I'm selfish like that. I don't want to watch her deteriorate beyond recognition. That's more than I could handle. She deserves so much better than that. She tirelessly gave us all she had, and asked nothing in return. It just isn't right, and I struggle with my faith in that arena. I know that God wouldn't have her suffer needlessly, but I'm just not seeing his plan in all of this. I just see my Grammy fading away, and an empty shell taking her place.

I gave her gift to her. I bought her a wireless light switch. She can hook her lamp up to it, and take the switch to her bed, or anywhere in her apartment if she needs it. She just looked at the bag it was in, and didn't seem to know what to do with it. I could see her struggling, so I just said "You can open it later if you like". She said she'd do that, and then seemed ok. I didn't want to take her dignity by opening it for her. She apologized over and over for not having a card for me. I told her not to worry.

All in all, it was a good day. I got a great CD set. My cousins embarrassed me by having the restaurant bring me and Grammy each a small cake and singing. I just had a checkup, and I am in good health - better than I've been in years. My weight loss has started back up again. I just wish I had Grammy back. It's what I wished for when I blew out my candle, but I know it won't happen. I just figured it couldn't hurt.

"Are You Blogging?"

I heard this last night, as I was typing away, replying to a PM left by a friend at a message board.

"Huh?", I said.
Nelson says "I said, are you blogging?".
Me: "Nope. Just replying to a PM."
Him: "A what?"
Me: "A private message, left for me by (insert name here - someone he knows)"
Him: "Oh. I wasn't sure."
Me: "That's ok. I should put something up, but I don't know what. Since you brought it up, any suggestions? What did you think I was blogging about?"
Him: "I thought maybe you were blogging about football." (as the game chugs on in the background)
Me: "I appreciate the suggestion, however I don't have much to say about football - but thanks for trying."

I don't much care for football. This was made worse by my tenure in the band in middle school, high school, and college. As a sport, it doesn't hold my interest. I rate it higher than golf, tennis, basketball, and baseball on the interest-o-meter, but not by much. It does, however, rate much higher than NASCAR.

I just really am not much in to sports as a whole. I do enjoy Ice Hockey - it manages to hold my interest. I also enjoy figure skating. When I myself was skating, I was much more in to it, but I haven't been hardcore in to it in years. I just haven't found anyone I can really get behind in the last few years. When the next Brian Boitano comes along, maybe I'll change my mind. I adore the Olympics, but probably more for the ideals they stand for. When they're on, nothing else is at my house. I have a good functioning knowledge of amateur wrestling, but I need to know that for my job. As an aside, I have very minimal knowledge on certain cheerleading and gymnastics regs for the same reason.

For all intents and purposes, I am a football widow. There was a time when he only watched NFL. He used to tell me "Hey, be glad I'm not in to college football". That, however, was just a matter of time. I didn't think Sundays would be too bad when we first met, because we can't get a whole lot farther away than the team he roots for, so there wouldn't be a lot of games to sit through, but that never mattered. We had to watch this game because it was important if they won or lost. Another game didn't matter in that respect, but we watch because it's football, and it's on. Now my Saturdays are tied up too. He roots for a team that is frequently on tv, so no dodge ther, and with the complex BCS rankings thingy, all games are important. When he's in full effect of football withdrawal, he goes to......Arena Football. No disrespect for people who enjoy it - please feel free to do so - but it makes me wish for regular football back.

I usually find something to do to keep my occupied while the games are on, and last night was no different. One thing we do enjoy together, however, is ranking on what should be loosely termed as "Color Commentator Teams". Our favorite target is John Madden. Words fail me to describe him. He's all circular talk, Telestrator play, and Brett Favre references. We both adore Frank Caliendo (You Tube him sometime) and his dead-on take on Madden ("Brett Favre could lose both arms and both legs and he'd still be the best torso in football!").

Anyway, the commentary team that was on the game we were watching (don't remember who - it was college - that's all I remember) is one that he particularly doesn't like. There are two people in the group that seem to be ok, but one who just has absolutely no clue, and he seems to speak the most. He made a lot of glaring errors, and strange comments. As I have my head buried in my laptop, working on another part of the PM chain that was going on last night, I hear something that should never EVER come up during a football game (or anywhere else at this point in time anymore):

Weird Dude: "Hey! What the heck is Britney doing?"
Normal Commentator: "Who?"
Weird Dude: "Britney! What in the heck is she doing anymore?"
Other Normal Commentator: "Britney who?"
Weird Dude: "Britney Spears, of course! What's the deal with her lately?"
Normal Commentator: "Why do we care?"

THANK YOU NORMAL COMMENTATOR! And apparently we weren't the only ones who thought that Saturday Night College Football wasn't the appropriate place to bring up Britney Spears, as they hurriedly cut to commercial, and then never mentioned it again.

And on another note.......

College Football is an animal all it's own, and one I don't think I'll ever fully get. I can understand why people get hyped up about their Alma Maters (GO YSU PENGUINS!!) but around here, Penn State is a religion, and I know very few people who have actually gone there. My cousin, a co-worker - that's all I can think of. They are fanatics, but I understand. The remainder of the people who live around here? Not so much.

We fly the Buckeye flag (two of them, in fact) in front of our house. We have our reasons. A lot of them have to do with the fact that we are fans of their coach (going back to his YSU days - I've met Jim Tressel, and he's a great guy). Apparently, that's not cool around here. Apparently there's an 11th Commandment that states "Thou Shalt Root For Penn State" that I'm not aware of. The topic has been brought up in church. We've had people refuse to wait on us in stores. I'm serious. People: there are more important things in this world. Seriously. Church is not the place to air a football rivalry. But that's enough of that.

Wow. I guess I managed, in my rambly and disjointed way, to actually blog about football.

This one is for you, honey.

I Never Thought I'd Find Myself Agreeing With Oprah

But I think she has hit the nail on the head with this one:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/20773318/

First off, let me say that I sympathize with both the Brown and Goldman families. My heart goes out to them. In a million years, I couldn't imagine what they are going through. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

That being said, my personal opinion is that the Goldman family needs to start healing. Holding in all this hate isn't doing them any good. Mr. Goldman has been quoted as saying that he hasn't slept since his son was murdered. I can understand that. I just can't understand how he can, in good conscience, release this book.

When I see Mr. Goldman decrying the publication of this book, and then choosing to publish it himself, calling it gratifying that he was able to "snatch it away" from OJ makes me look at him with a hypocritical eye. Why was it ok in one instance, then not ok in the next? Ye olde double standard strikes again.


I was a bit puzzled when Mr. Goldman was just so passionate about it not being published. Under the Son Of Sam laws (and OJ was convicted in civil court, so I would think that would count), he should have been able to funnel all of OJ's potential profit toward the $30+ million judgement that I'm sure he has come nowhere near fulfilling. Instead, he will pocket the profits. Not to defend OJ in the slightest, but will he put any of the profits toward satisfying that judgement? Share any with the Brown family, or Nicole's children? I doubt it.

Instead, it's just something else for Mr. Goldman to be angry about. I shook my head when he said he wanted to buy OJ's Heisman himself just so he could smash it. I shook it just as much when he bragged about snatching the book away from OJ. It's the same thing. The Brown family has been more cool and collected. They also decried the publication of the book, but they disagree vehemently with the Goldman family and their decision.

Sadly, there is nothing, I repeat NOTHING in the world that can bring these two people back. In my heart of hearts, I believe OJ did it, but that he had help - I just don't think he's smart enough to pull it off himself. I also think he was deserving of having that judgement levied against him. The Goldman family had an opportunity to have more put to that judgement, but they chose not to. If satisfying it would give them some type of closure, it won't happen in their lifetime - they'll see to that themselves that they can hold it over OJ's head until he dies.


Again, I'm NOT defending OJ in the slightest, but I'm just confused as to why rational human beings wouldn't want to try and end this so they could move forward with their lives. You won't sleep until you let go of some of this hate. I don't think your loved one would want you to be acting like this in his name. I could be wrong, but I know I wouldn't want it in my name.

Just Say No To Hotlinks

Has this ever happened to anyone else? Or am I just a schlub?

I belong to a small, relatively private forum. We have a good time. A number of people were posting old local commercials. I went to youtube, looking for a number of oldies but goodies that I remember. I didn't manage to turn any up, but I did find one that I vividly remembered from my time in Northeast Ohio.

It was for a nursing home. The TV played it to death. It was constantly on. The woman who "narrated" the commercial looked somewhat like my roommate at the time. She walked through the commercial, very stiff and wooden, speaking slightly stilted, like she was reading a cue card. They talked about the luxury of their home, and how happy it was. The old people looked happy enough, but the whole thing was kind of laughable. On an off-note, this nursing home is still up and running - has been for a long time, and they get good marks from the state, so it's not "the crooked home from 60 Minutes" (ala The Simpsons), but perhaps you "had to be there" to find this commercial humorous.

Anyway, it was a reply to the post that got me to start digging. I wanted to see if they were still in business (hence I found the information mentioned above), and if I could find current pictures (no dice). It was then I saw a link to a report in the local newspaper, and thought I'd take a gander. I had misread the blip appearing on Google - I thought someone had walked away from the home, but it was different, and worse than that.

They told the story of an elderly man. His wife lived at the home. He came everyday for dinner, and then sat at her bedside. One day, she got sick, and they rushed her off to the local hospital. He followed in his car. He stayed at the hospital, and then left when visiting hours were over. His wife went back to the home, but he did not. He never returned. He never showed up for dinner at the home again. The article said the people at the home were concerned, and said that the last time he came in, he appeared a little confused. I began feverishly googling for this man. What became of him? Why did he just disappear? I found an obituary for a man with a similar name, but he died in another state. Then I found the follow-up article.

Turns out the man in the obituary was indeed the man I was looking for. His car was found down over the bank on a logging road TWO STATES AWAY. They think he got disoriented some time after he left the hospital, and ended up on this road that was like 250 miles from his home. They found him, deceased, outside his car. They think he was trying to find help. They believe he died from exposure to the cold. Just having had my grandmother diagnosed with Alzheimer's (who is in assisted living), it's an absolutely frightening thought, and I feel so sorry for his family.

But aside from the sadness, this is not the first time I started out doing a simple google search, and ended up off on a wild tangent, looking for something else, and in this case ending up bumming for the night, or more commonly up until 3am looking at the computer. I should just say no to hotlinks not directly pertaining to what I'm looking for. Will I learn any time soon? Nope. I've found some cool stuff just roaming around. This one, unfortunately, didn't have a happy ending.

"You'll Never Look At Music The Same Way Again"

-Original MTV Teaser Line

I haven't watched the MTV Awards, in total or earnest, since 1988. Seriously. That's the last time that I cared about it. I briefly tuned in a few years back to see Duran Duran pick up a lifetime achievement award, and due to technical difficulties, it ended up being a real bust.

I taped the whole evening back in 1988 (still have the tape, too). It was a good evening. Started out with everyone's (well, mine at least) favorite game show, Remote Control. They had a contest, and the winner got to be on Remote Control, and then go to the VMA's afterward. They had a one-hour show where it showed this guy trying to get to the VMA's with Colin Quinn and Ken Ober (I think - it's been a long time).

Then they had the VMA's. The big winner was INXS, winning a lot of awards for "I Need You Tonight". I seem to remember Guns 'N Roses singing "Welcome To The Jungle". The VJ's (when they were still good) were out in full force. It was the typical, glamorous MTV evening. The tape wraps up with Adam Curry in the bathroom (the only quiet place in the building) to recap the winners by showing the videos that took awards. What's not to love? I was about a month shy of turning 15. It was sheer heaven for me.

Then it all started to change.

Remote Control was no longer as fun as it once was. Music started to change. By 1989, there was a surge of hair metal - something I never could stomach, and the roots of what would later become grunge were starting to take hold. Metallica was finding a strong presence for their dark music. Groups that I liked were slowly fading away, or weren't turning out videos like they once had. There was a change in VJ's. MTV also first made the initial turn to being largely scheduled programming, as opposed to showing videos. To quote a favorite movie, "I preminiced no return of the salad days". Gasp - I started watching more......VH-1! (shhh - don't tell)

The daily viewings of "Yo! MTV Raps" ceased in the summer of 1989. I would enjoy hip-hop for a few more years, but rap was beginning to drift from the Old Skool that I loved so much. I stopped watching Club MTV around the same time. It had grown stale. I started watching Headbanger's Ball in 1992, when I met Nelson. He had been with it from the beginning, when Adam Curry and Kevin Seal were hosting. Then Ricki Rachtman took over. We stuck with it until the bitter end, in 1995. By that time, it was sucking large. We groaned every time that Rob Zombie came on to paint the walls. Beavis and Butthead were canceled in 1997, and that ended my MTV watching days, until The Osbournes were picked -up, and then we watched only long enough to catch the episode. And so, I bid Adieu to MTV - a mere shell of it's former, glorious self.

I was a true MTV junkie. I couldn't wait to get it on when I got home from school. I was glued to each World Premiere. When we finally got cable, we were on a different system from the kids I went to school with, and thus I was the only one who got MTV. For a while, everyone was jealous.

So what brought back all this waxing nostalgic? Last night's train-wreck. I'd heard the awards were on, but had no interest in watching. I saw the clip on the MSN page about Britney Spears being nothing short of embarrassing, and it sparked a thread on a forum I belong to. I listed my reasons for disillusionment with MTV, and the current state of the music industry in general. That brought up an interesting MTV discussion with some good points by a good friend of mine:

I think a big part of the problem with the VMA's is what MTV started out as, and what it has become in the last 25 years.

MTV was "cool" when it started out, back before everything in the entertainment industry went completely corporate. If you were a new artist and MTV and played your video, chances are you were going to be huge. I may be remembering this incorrectly, but I'm pretty sure MTV essentially made Madonna. It was a network for the younger generation, irreverent and sort of anti-authoritarian. I think the VMA's started out the same way -- a hip, cool awards show that was everything the old, stodgy Grammy's weren't.

But over the years it seems like the VMA's have become another established corporate awards show -- just like the Grammy's. MTV is nothing more than a set of offices at CBS/Viacom, and instead of being run by people who love music and know what's "cool", it's being run by recent college graduates who are simply chasing ratings and ad revenue. Their idea of "programming" is trying to capitalize on whatever the 18-34 demographic thinks is cool.

So in reality, MTV sold it's soul to the almighty dollar a long time ago. And because of that, I would say that MTV is essentially irrelevant today -- just another cable channel that used to be about music but somewhere along the line decided that crappy reality shows starring Ashley Simpson get better ratings.

Not helping at all is the sorry state of the music industry, where there are very few legitimate "stars" or even people with any demonstrable talent. Just a bunch of bands and pop stars created and manufactured by record labels, many of whom don't stick around long enough for anyone to care about them. And even a lot of the big names are "stars" only because they're on TV a lot, or because the kids think
they're "cool" -- not because they have any actual talent.

Ok. I get it now. It took the above to hit me with a wake-up call. While MTV has changed their format (and not for the better), I have simply outgrown it. Like it or not, I'm no longer their target demographic. I have officially become middle aged. I guess it was bound to happen. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go watch some VH-1............