Friday, June 29, 2007

Parental Guidance Suggested

I saw this clever thing on another blog (thanks Leigh!) and thought I'd give it a go. Imagine my surprise to find this:

Online Dating

Mingle2 - Online Dating



Apparently, the logic is that I used the world "dead" 6 times, and the word "hurt" 2 times. Um.....kay? But that's ok. I guess it's better than being Rated G.

So then I saw the zombie quiz, and being a huge fan of the genre, I thought I'd give it a go. I was pleased to know my chances are better than half:

61%

Mingle2 - Free Online Dating



Interesting stuff out there......

It No Longer Pays To Be Nice

I'm totally convinced of that. I used to hear that old adage, "no good deed goes unpunished", and once upon a time, I didn't understand what it meant. Unfortunately, now I do.

For example: last night, I had to run to Wal-Mart, unfortunately. I so wish we had a Target, or any other alternative (aside from the poor selection of the run-down K-Mart), but we don't. I used to work at that store (heck, I set-up and opened that store), and it's always like a zoo in there. I never understood why. Anyway, the parking lot is always a horrifying mess, and last night was no exception. As I was coming up the driveway, I noticed a pick-up truck attempting to leave the lot, but he had parked in one of the lanes that exits on to the pedestrian crosswalk, and it's next to impossible to pull out on a busy night. I thought I'd do my good deed for the day.
When I got there, I sat to allow the pedestrians to cross, and when the coast was clear, sat and waited to allow him to pull out finally. I sat and waited, and waited, and waited. All this time, I keep hearing a horn honk. I looked in my rear view mirror to see if someone behind me was getting impatient, but there was no one there. Finally, the truck pulled out. As he pulled out, he was giving me a nasty look, yelling at me, and shaking his fist. Apparently, he was waiting for me to come through, and that annoyed him.

I was steaming after he pulled away. Not gonna do anything nice for anyone ever again, I thought to myself. Of course, I don't mean that, but my whole point is this: when did we get to the point where we feel entitled to certain things, and abandoned all common courtesy?

Just something to ponder.

Friday, June 8, 2007

We Got The Phone Call We'd Been Waiting For

But there was a bittersweet downside.

The phone rang. I didn't recognize the name or phone number, but I saw it was from the 610 area code. We had placed two calls to Ray (Nelson's step-dad) asking him to call us and update us on the move, and to see if he needed any last-minute help. So, I decided to answer it.
It was a woman: "I was told that someone there wanted to know something about my Uncle George?".

This was a call we had been waiting for, and Nelson had gotten in to the shower about 2 minutes before. Figures. I spoke to her at length about a few things. She inquired as to how old the boys were, and where they were living/what they were doing with their lives. She said she felt very old because she remembered when the boys were born, and commented on how young they were when George died.

She was very pleasant, and said she'd help us in any way she could, and that the next time we were in the area to call, and we could come over to the house (and to bring pictures and whatnot that we need help on). We're hoping to do just that at the end of the month.
She also reiterated what the other gentleman that I spoke to did, and that was that they tried to keep up with Diane and the boys, but they just disappeared. This upset Nelson a bit. He said that it sucks that he grew up thinking that his dad's side of the family didn't care about them. He said he surmises that his dad's family didn't do something that his mom felt they should have (or a similar situation) around the time of his dad's passing, and that ticked her off. She bitterly held grudges, even ones over the span of decades. They were unaware that Diane had remarried until years later. They never knew Ray. They weren't even 100% sure they were still in the area (they were less than 25 miles away). And through it all, both of the people I talked to had nothing negative to say about Diane (that they were willing to say to me, at least). Makes you wonder.

He feels slighted that he's lost out on having a whole other part of his family that he could have been in contact with. Unfortunately, a lot of the older ones that were his dad's step-brothers and step-sisters are now gone, and that's a shame. He said it might be like someone who was adopted feels like. It's gratifying, and exciting but almost slightly overwhelming at the same time. I know that sometimes it's hard to take people at face value - especially when there's a quantity of unknown information, as is this case. I do, however, have a good bs-o-meter, and I think they're genuine (I have been known to be wrong - but not often).

So here's to looking forward to something good! I'm kind of excited......

Thursday, June 7, 2007

LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!

An Open Letter To All E-Mail Scammers and Spammers:

Just how stupid do you think I am?

All day, I am bombarded with your garbage. The subjects seem to rotate, but it's garbage nonetheless, and I'm fed up.

I'll admit, the first time I got a security alert from ebay several years back, I almost fell for it, but something about the page didn't look right, and ebay confirmed it. Since then, I have been frequently getting them from Citibank, PayPal, Bank Of America, Chase Manhattan - all people I use. I am smart enough to know, however, that they wouldn't send me some generic e-mail demanding I put my personal information out there for the whole world to see.

You also like to bombard me with urgent security notices from Wells Fargo, National City, People's Bank, Fifth/Third Bank, Western Union, and countless other businesses/services that I do NOT use. Again, how stupid do you think I am?? Quit wasting your time on me!

Great! I won the lottery in Austria? Fantastic! I haven't been to Austria since 1989, but hey, they must remember me!! C'mon, I don't play the lottery in my own state ('though maybe I should......). Some deposed dictator (or their family/business associates/lawyer) wants to give me millions? And all I have to do is give you my bank account number? Sign me up!!! Well, no - that might subject me to any number of Federal/International Violations. Your offer of cashing money orders for you and receiving merchandise that I must forward to you sounds much safer......

And by the way, I'll pass on your offer for Viagra or Cialis. Same goes for your offers to enlarge my manhood. I'm female, thank you very much. I don't care to make my friends jealous of my super fantastic jealous of me and my weightloss with your miracle pill. And, just so you know, your offers to look at Russian Child Pornography were promptly reported to the FBI and other associated agencies.

Today I found this notice in my mailboxes at work a number of times: Hello! I am bored, today, interested in chattign iwth ncie rpetty girl? Email me at sp@MailVisionSite.info only Would you mind me showing some nice pictures of me? Again, I'm female, and straight for that matter (no digs to any of my alternative lifestyle friends). Even if I weren't, why would I want to talk to someone that can't even spell simple words?

I resent the fact that you make me waste time wading through your pathetic garbage. This causes me to have to put any number of measures in effect to try and keep you out. You just manage to get around it, and cause my legitimate mail to bounce into Spam. While I do my best to catch it, I frequently miss someones e-mail, causing them to be angry with me. Thanks so much for that.

While I occasionally see notes in the police blotter, despite all the warnings out there, that someone falls prey to your pathetic scams, I think that enough people out there know better than to fall for your garbage, and I would suggest you direct your efforts toward scamming someone else. Or better yet, how'd you like to buy some attractive land in Florida that I have......or perhaps a nice bridge?

Monday, June 4, 2007

Did You Ever Get The Feeling

that someone was trying to tell you something?

I thought I was done with high school in June of 1991. I was so wrong. I mentioned letting a friendship go in my last post. You'd think it would just be that easy, but nooooo.

Long story short as possible: I met this person about 2 years ago. They had a rudimentary website that I had been directed to. I liked what they were doing, and I offered my praise, and an offer for some assistance, if needed. To my surprise, this person jumped all over it, and offered me a (unpaid) position with their fledgling "company" (using that term loosely).

Being bored, and often having too much time on my hands, I seized this opportunity to have something to do, and to do something I enjoy. I worked long and hard toward this goal. I was thrilled to be able to brag that I was going to be a part of something cool.

I met a few people through this person that I liked, and we all became one big group of friends. We had a lot of fun, and enjoyed each other's company. As time went on, the friendship grew. I thought the world of these people. I thought absolutely nothing of hopping in a car and driving almost 12 hours (one way) to do not much more than sit down with them and have dinner. Two days later I turned around and went back home.

Then things started to turn. None of us saw it at first. It started with someone being brought in that we did not know. Where we would all once discuss and vote on things, this person was added with no consultation to us. We didn't think much of it - this person seemed OK - we all liked this person. We welcomed this person in to our little group. What no one saw was how much pull this person had with the "head" person (the one who started it all). We didn't notice that the "head" person put a lot of trust in the "new" person to "run the organization" in their increasingly limited free time. Power corrupts.

We don't know where things went really south, but new person decided that a few of us had to go. They started with the person that I think I grew closest to in the group. Last fall, my close friend went over and above what they had to do to discuss some things with new person (as they were instructed to do by head person). New person thought his idea was great, and that it should be implemented. Once my close friend implemented it, all hell broke loose.

I got home from work, and found an e-mail from head person telling me that my close friend was being let go for.......implementing the idea. I read the e-mail in disbelief. Not knowing what was really happening, I replied to the e-mail essentially saying "What you are doing is breaking my heart, but if what you are telling me is true, then I trust that you will do what is right and necessary." Later on that weekend, I got a call from my close friend, telling me the truth.

Over the course of the next few days, I tried to get everyone on board and back together, but it didn't happen. What I didn't see at the time was that there was so much divide-and-conquer going on with new person that it wasn't funny. They were pumping anyone and everyone for information, and I'm sure it was then cultivated, rearranged, and presented to head person. I caught on very quickly, and never said anything that would or could be held against me. The same could not be said for two other friends. One was axed without any good reason at all (but we surmised it was purely the affiliation with my close friend), and the other was axed, but I assume it was because of the conversations they had with new person - someone they thought they could trust (and, to a lesser degree, the above-mentioned affiliation). I, however, was lied to. I was told that they had quit. When I received e-mails from both of them questioning why they'd been axed, I smelled a rat.

I rode the next few months out, figuring someone would come to their senses, but it wasn't to be. I became increasingly angry at new person, and drastically cut my time there. I figured head person would ask why, giving me a chance to speak my mind. Nope. As time went on, I didn't end my friendship with any of the people who were drug down in this mess. I waited for the day when I too would be gone, but it didn't happen. I'm sure it was largely because I stopped associating with new person, and never gave new person anything to use against me.

I felt very guilty that I never stood up for my close friend as well as I should have. Even after I knew the truth. I just let it ride, and it always bothered me. About 2 weeks ago, another person was axed (well, this person was one that I mentioned above that I had been told quit - they did allow that person back - claimed it was a misunderstanding - sure) with absolutely no valid reason (other than they were one of the last of the old order). I'd had enough.

I confronted head person in a long, wordy, well-thought-out e-mail. I received several replies (typical of this person) running the gamut of emotion and coherence. I replied that I did not mean to send them in to a tizzy, and they answered back that it was OK, and that some of the points I made were valid. I finally gritted my teeth and let it all go. I said about all the garbage that new person was flinging, and that I was fed up with it, and did they even realize just how deep new person was taking this. No reply. It's been over two weeks. That speaks volumes.

In one of the emotionally charged e-mails, head person busted down my close friend - this was before I sent the final e-mail where I let it all go. It said that my close friend should stop being pigheaded and pick up the phone or e-mail. Understandably, my close friend had cut head person out of their life. All attempts to contact my close friend were ignored.

Inspired by my e-mail, my close friend decided to send a not-so-friendly e-mail to head person basically reiterating a lot of what I said and telling head person to get bent, I suspect. I doubt my close friend got a reply either. So today, I go over to log in to the website that I helped head person (and once my close friend) run. I still had my access, but not surprisingly, I'd lost a lot of my rights on the site. Head person then put up a note stating that they were closing one of the sites and consolidating, and made a number of statements that won't be of any importance here, but basically told me that my suggestions were totally ignored.

Sorry to be an ass, but my attitude toward this whole cluster anymore is "boo-freaking-hoo". I swear these people try to get off by making others feel sorry for them, or guilty (that goes for head and new person). Not gonna work on me anymore. I spoke my mind, and defended my friends as I should have a long time ago. My conscience is crystal-clear, and when (not if) that whole thing implodes, I'll have absolutely no regrets. I think I gained much more than head person and new person ever can: 5 really good friends. Friends who I can hang out with, or call at any time when I need a shoulder. That means more to me than any accolades or praise I could have gotten by continuing to keep my mouth shut and go along with the crowd. I didn't do that much in high school, and I'm not going to start now.

Friday, June 1, 2007

Like Sands Through The Hourglass

so are the days of my life. Yeah yeah - tacky, I know. And BAD ME for letting this go so long without an update.

I can say this - my life is anything but dull lately.

Let's see........

Right before I left for Ohio last month, my Grammy fell in her bedroom. She laid on the floor for quite awhile before she pushed the Life Alert - they estimate about 5 hours. She dislocated her shoulder. For the first few days, she seemed foggy, but they had her big-time doped up on painkillers, so we didn't worry. As time went on, it appeared that she likely suffered a small stroke (either as a result of the fall, or leading up to the fall) and is also in the early stages of either Alzheimer's or Dementia.

We noticed that she had been repeating herself and getting slightly confused at times over the last few months, but jeez - if we're all as good as she is when we're 87.... They sent her to Buffalo Valley (a nursing home) from the hospital to rehab her shoulder. I wasn't happy. Buffalo Valley is where my Pappy worked when he was alive, and where he died after his massive stroke. Too many bad memories there. Grammy was not happy. She just wanted to go back home. We didn't have the heart to tell her that it's never going to happen.

After a month of rehab, the staff decided she's well enough physically and mentally for semi-assisted living. They don't trust her in her own duplex or apartment, but she's in her own room (like a studio apartment) in their assisted living center - better than a nursing home. She has independence, but they're also keeping an eye on her. I've been spending a lot of time up there, trying to help her adjust. She still thinks this is a temporary setback, and she'll be going home soon. We're rebuffed any time that we offer to bring something from home - her favorite chair, pictures, etc.

My favorite uncle came up from Oklahoma for a week to check up on her and help make some decisions that she's not capable of making on her own. He was only here for a week, but he'll be back soon to stay for longer. He and I and his wife went to see Grindhouse while he was here, and he loved it as much as we did (this was my 2nd time - first time was when we were in Ohio). It provided a much-needed break from reality.

Things are going well for Ray (Nelson's step-dad). Turns out he's not quite as bad off as we were concerned - he bought himself a nice double-wide in a nice park where my step-sister-in-law lives. It's out of the city, he owns it free and clear, and he is absolutely thrilled about it. He is having a devil of a time sorting out Diane's possessions, though. Man, she hoarded anything and everything, and I am slightly embarrassed to say that we contributed a lot to it. Sometimes it was just easier to toss her a trinket to keep things on an even keel when we went to visit, and we frequently did.

Ray found some more things for us to take home. He found the larger wedding album from George and Diane's wedding. Both sets of photos are not properly stored, so I've now got that task ahead of me. The proofs have already begun to discolor slightly, and I had a devil of a time prying the larger ones out of the album - they had begun to stick fast. He also handed us George's funeral book - the one they put out at the funeral home for people to sign and where they list who sent flowers, who was a pall bearer, etc. This provided us a rare opportunity to see who his dad's friends and concerned family were, and we've begun contacting people. I've spoken to a gentleman that I believe would have been his step-nephew (son of a step-brother). He was one of his pall bearers. He said he didn't remember George all that well, but gave me the number of his sister. She wasn't home, but I left a message. Hopefully she'll call.

Lynn (the man I spoke to) did dispel one thing for me. Diane never wanted to discuss George's family whenever we asked. She'd simply say that his side of the family was always fighting, and that she never had any in-laws because they had died by the time they got married. She was right on that part - George's dad died when he was 5, we found out, and we're not sure when his mother died, but it appears to have been before 1972. He told me that they had tried to keep up with Diane and the boys, but after George died, they just up and disappeared, which is essentially true. Shortly after Diane and Ray began dating, she lost the family home to foreclosure (a lesson learned: always have life insurance - you never know when your time on earth is up) and they packed up and moved to Allentown, leaving a lot of their old life behind, somewhat for the worse than the better. While I can't imagine being a widow at 30 with two boys under the age of 10, and suddenly having to support everyone with your sole income gone (and having no insurance), I feel you still owe it to your children to keep up with their father's family if they want it. It's one thing that has always bothered Nelson. He found out after his mom's passing that people he knew were relatives of some variety were really step-brothers and step-sisters of his dad, and he's lost contact.

Another lesson learned: label your pictures. I'm totally anal-retentive about this, and it drives me nuts that I now have 8-8x10, 12-5x7, and 98-3.5x5 pictures, and we only know a small handful of the people in them - 8 to be exact - and all but two of them are dead. Considering that they had 13 bridesmaids and 13 groomsmen alone, that's not much. In an attempt to identify more people, we've showed the photos around (more on that later) but there's only been a few "I think that's so and so but I'm not sure" responses. I know there's one person out there that could shed some light on it all, but she's estranged from the rest of the family, and I refuse to "bow down" to this person in the interest of finding out who some of the people are.

We ran out to the Pittsburgh area over Memorial Day weekend to re-connect with Nelson's Uncle Ron. I had never met him. He's an "involuntary guest of the Commonwealth" (my late Uncle Dutch's favorite euphemism - he was one too frequently) - ie: incarcerated. I hold no fear in visiting prisons - I'd been in and out of prison visiting rooms for many years because of my aforementioned Uncle. Things are really different now, in terms of rules and whatnot.

Speaking to him was very enlightening. He was able to shed some light on a lot of situations that we were left scratching our heads over. We were hoping he'd be able to ID some people in the photos, but he wasn't any better off than we were. He had a lot of nice things to say about George. He said he was a good man, a hard worker, and very honorable. He also said he was quiet - something Nelson remembers pretty vividly. He talked about how he'd go along with Diane to Philadelphia when Nelson was a baby and needed a slew of operations. Sometimes George couldn't go due to work, and Diane didn't drive in their early days, so Ron would drive. He made it pretty clear that George loved both of the boys, and that made him feel good.

I have to hand it to him - he's got an amazing spirit. If I had been in prison on a horrifyingly unfair sentence for the past 30 years with no prospects in the near future of getting out, I'd be so much more bitter. He's missed graduations of children, births of grandchildren, the funerals of his mother and step-father (although who knows if he'd have bothered - I wouldn't have), the funeral of a nephew, the funerals of two sisters, and countless other things that we take for granted. His wife left him, and as a highly decorated Viet-Nam Veteran who suffered terrible post traumatic stress disorder and was shoved under the rug like so many returning vets (ask my dad), his country left him as well. Lastly, the system has failed him time and again. Remember this: not everyone in prison is a horrible criminal, deserving of nothing more than bread and water. People who have done things thousands of times more terrible have been in and out several times while he sits and waits.

He credits his survival to his second wife, Terri. She's an amazing person in her own right. She married him while he was incarcerated. They've never spent a day together that wasn't behind bars. And for those who ask (and they often do, so I'll spare you from asking the question), no, the Commonwealth Of PA does not allow any type of conjugal visit. They've been married for like 25 years now. She tirelessly pounds the pavement to get his story heard, and has launched a relentless campaign to get his sentence commuted to time served. We wish her well, and we will help in any way we can.

A few final tidbits: Nelson will soon be starting his work with the abused children. He's looking forward to it. My friend that I met up with in Cleveland who was looking to relocate there from California did get the job. He text messaged me last night that he had arrived, and was moving in. He starts his new job on Monday. YAY DANIEL!! I'm thrilled to have a buddy reasonably close that enjoys a lot of the same hobbies that I do. I'm already planning an UrbEx trip for the fall!! I had to let go of another friendship, but it's really for the best. It was becoming increasingly one-sided, and I don't need the emotional baggage.

Never a dull moment!