Did You Ever Get The Feeling

that someone was trying to tell you something?

I thought I was done with high school in June of 1991. I was so wrong. I mentioned letting a friendship go in my last post. You'd think it would just be that easy, but nooooo.

Long story short as possible: I met this person about 2 years ago. They had a rudimentary website that I had been directed to. I liked what they were doing, and I offered my praise, and an offer for some assistance, if needed. To my surprise, this person jumped all over it, and offered me a (unpaid) position with their fledgling "company" (using that term loosely).

Being bored, and often having too much time on my hands, I seized this opportunity to have something to do, and to do something I enjoy. I worked long and hard toward this goal. I was thrilled to be able to brag that I was going to be a part of something cool.

I met a few people through this person that I liked, and we all became one big group of friends. We had a lot of fun, and enjoyed each other's company. As time went on, the friendship grew. I thought the world of these people. I thought absolutely nothing of hopping in a car and driving almost 12 hours (one way) to do not much more than sit down with them and have dinner. Two days later I turned around and went back home.

Then things started to turn. None of us saw it at first. It started with someone being brought in that we did not know. Where we would all once discuss and vote on things, this person was added with no consultation to us. We didn't think much of it - this person seemed OK - we all liked this person. We welcomed this person in to our little group. What no one saw was how much pull this person had with the "head" person (the one who started it all). We didn't notice that the "head" person put a lot of trust in the "new" person to "run the organization" in their increasingly limited free time. Power corrupts.

We don't know where things went really south, but new person decided that a few of us had to go. They started with the person that I think I grew closest to in the group. Last fall, my close friend went over and above what they had to do to discuss some things with new person (as they were instructed to do by head person). New person thought his idea was great, and that it should be implemented. Once my close friend implemented it, all hell broke loose.

I got home from work, and found an e-mail from head person telling me that my close friend was being let go for.......implementing the idea. I read the e-mail in disbelief. Not knowing what was really happening, I replied to the e-mail essentially saying "What you are doing is breaking my heart, but if what you are telling me is true, then I trust that you will do what is right and necessary." Later on that weekend, I got a call from my close friend, telling me the truth.

Over the course of the next few days, I tried to get everyone on board and back together, but it didn't happen. What I didn't see at the time was that there was so much divide-and-conquer going on with new person that it wasn't funny. They were pumping anyone and everyone for information, and I'm sure it was then cultivated, rearranged, and presented to head person. I caught on very quickly, and never said anything that would or could be held against me. The same could not be said for two other friends. One was axed without any good reason at all (but we surmised it was purely the affiliation with my close friend), and the other was axed, but I assume it was because of the conversations they had with new person - someone they thought they could trust (and, to a lesser degree, the above-mentioned affiliation). I, however, was lied to. I was told that they had quit. When I received e-mails from both of them questioning why they'd been axed, I smelled a rat.

I rode the next few months out, figuring someone would come to their senses, but it wasn't to be. I became increasingly angry at new person, and drastically cut my time there. I figured head person would ask why, giving me a chance to speak my mind. Nope. As time went on, I didn't end my friendship with any of the people who were drug down in this mess. I waited for the day when I too would be gone, but it didn't happen. I'm sure it was largely because I stopped associating with new person, and never gave new person anything to use against me.

I felt very guilty that I never stood up for my close friend as well as I should have. Even after I knew the truth. I just let it ride, and it always bothered me. About 2 weeks ago, another person was axed (well, this person was one that I mentioned above that I had been told quit - they did allow that person back - claimed it was a misunderstanding - sure) with absolutely no valid reason (other than they were one of the last of the old order). I'd had enough.

I confronted head person in a long, wordy, well-thought-out e-mail. I received several replies (typical of this person) running the gamut of emotion and coherence. I replied that I did not mean to send them in to a tizzy, and they answered back that it was OK, and that some of the points I made were valid. I finally gritted my teeth and let it all go. I said about all the garbage that new person was flinging, and that I was fed up with it, and did they even realize just how deep new person was taking this. No reply. It's been over two weeks. That speaks volumes.

In one of the emotionally charged e-mails, head person busted down my close friend - this was before I sent the final e-mail where I let it all go. It said that my close friend should stop being pigheaded and pick up the phone or e-mail. Understandably, my close friend had cut head person out of their life. All attempts to contact my close friend were ignored.

Inspired by my e-mail, my close friend decided to send a not-so-friendly e-mail to head person basically reiterating a lot of what I said and telling head person to get bent, I suspect. I doubt my close friend got a reply either. So today, I go over to log in to the website that I helped head person (and once my close friend) run. I still had my access, but not surprisingly, I'd lost a lot of my rights on the site. Head person then put up a note stating that they were closing one of the sites and consolidating, and made a number of statements that won't be of any importance here, but basically told me that my suggestions were totally ignored.

Sorry to be an ass, but my attitude toward this whole cluster anymore is "boo-freaking-hoo". I swear these people try to get off by making others feel sorry for them, or guilty (that goes for head and new person). Not gonna work on me anymore. I spoke my mind, and defended my friends as I should have a long time ago. My conscience is crystal-clear, and when (not if) that whole thing implodes, I'll have absolutely no regrets. I think I gained much more than head person and new person ever can: 5 really good friends. Friends who I can hang out with, or call at any time when I need a shoulder. That means more to me than any accolades or praise I could have gotten by continuing to keep my mouth shut and go along with the crowd. I didn't do that much in high school, and I'm not going to start now.