Like Sands Through The Hourglass

so are the days of my life. Yeah yeah - tacky, I know. And BAD ME for letting this go so long without an update.

I can say this - my life is anything but dull lately.

Let's see........

Right before I left for Ohio last month, my Grammy fell in her bedroom. She laid on the floor for quite awhile before she pushed the Life Alert - they estimate about 5 hours. She dislocated her shoulder. For the first few days, she seemed foggy, but they had her big-time doped up on painkillers, so we didn't worry. As time went on, it appeared that she likely suffered a small stroke (either as a result of the fall, or leading up to the fall) and is also in the early stages of either Alzheimer's or Dementia.

We noticed that she had been repeating herself and getting slightly confused at times over the last few months, but jeez - if we're all as good as she is when we're 87.... They sent her to Buffalo Valley (a nursing home) from the hospital to rehab her shoulder. I wasn't happy. Buffalo Valley is where my Pappy worked when he was alive, and where he died after his massive stroke. Too many bad memories there. Grammy was not happy. She just wanted to go back home. We didn't have the heart to tell her that it's never going to happen.

After a month of rehab, the staff decided she's well enough physically and mentally for semi-assisted living. They don't trust her in her own duplex or apartment, but she's in her own room (like a studio apartment) in their assisted living center - better than a nursing home. She has independence, but they're also keeping an eye on her. I've been spending a lot of time up there, trying to help her adjust. She still thinks this is a temporary setback, and she'll be going home soon. We're rebuffed any time that we offer to bring something from home - her favorite chair, pictures, etc.

My favorite uncle came up from Oklahoma for a week to check up on her and help make some decisions that she's not capable of making on her own. He was only here for a week, but he'll be back soon to stay for longer. He and I and his wife went to see Grindhouse while he was here, and he loved it as much as we did (this was my 2nd time - first time was when we were in Ohio). It provided a much-needed break from reality.

Things are going well for Ray (Nelson's step-dad). Turns out he's not quite as bad off as we were concerned - he bought himself a nice double-wide in a nice park where my step-sister-in-law lives. It's out of the city, he owns it free and clear, and he is absolutely thrilled about it. He is having a devil of a time sorting out Diane's possessions, though. Man, she hoarded anything and everything, and I am slightly embarrassed to say that we contributed a lot to it. Sometimes it was just easier to toss her a trinket to keep things on an even keel when we went to visit, and we frequently did.

Ray found some more things for us to take home. He found the larger wedding album from George and Diane's wedding. Both sets of photos are not properly stored, so I've now got that task ahead of me. The proofs have already begun to discolor slightly, and I had a devil of a time prying the larger ones out of the album - they had begun to stick fast. He also handed us George's funeral book - the one they put out at the funeral home for people to sign and where they list who sent flowers, who was a pall bearer, etc. This provided us a rare opportunity to see who his dad's friends and concerned family were, and we've begun contacting people. I've spoken to a gentleman that I believe would have been his step-nephew (son of a step-brother). He was one of his pall bearers. He said he didn't remember George all that well, but gave me the number of his sister. She wasn't home, but I left a message. Hopefully she'll call.

Lynn (the man I spoke to) did dispel one thing for me. Diane never wanted to discuss George's family whenever we asked. She'd simply say that his side of the family was always fighting, and that she never had any in-laws because they had died by the time they got married. She was right on that part - George's dad died when he was 5, we found out, and we're not sure when his mother died, but it appears to have been before 1972. He told me that they had tried to keep up with Diane and the boys, but after George died, they just up and disappeared, which is essentially true. Shortly after Diane and Ray began dating, she lost the family home to foreclosure (a lesson learned: always have life insurance - you never know when your time on earth is up) and they packed up and moved to Allentown, leaving a lot of their old life behind, somewhat for the worse than the better. While I can't imagine being a widow at 30 with two boys under the age of 10, and suddenly having to support everyone with your sole income gone (and having no insurance), I feel you still owe it to your children to keep up with their father's family if they want it. It's one thing that has always bothered Nelson. He found out after his mom's passing that people he knew were relatives of some variety were really step-brothers and step-sisters of his dad, and he's lost contact.

Another lesson learned: label your pictures. I'm totally anal-retentive about this, and it drives me nuts that I now have 8-8x10, 12-5x7, and 98-3.5x5 pictures, and we only know a small handful of the people in them - 8 to be exact - and all but two of them are dead. Considering that they had 13 bridesmaids and 13 groomsmen alone, that's not much. In an attempt to identify more people, we've showed the photos around (more on that later) but there's only been a few "I think that's so and so but I'm not sure" responses. I know there's one person out there that could shed some light on it all, but she's estranged from the rest of the family, and I refuse to "bow down" to this person in the interest of finding out who some of the people are.

We ran out to the Pittsburgh area over Memorial Day weekend to re-connect with Nelson's Uncle Ron. I had never met him. He's an "involuntary guest of the Commonwealth" (my late Uncle Dutch's favorite euphemism - he was one too frequently) - ie: incarcerated. I hold no fear in visiting prisons - I'd been in and out of prison visiting rooms for many years because of my aforementioned Uncle. Things are really different now, in terms of rules and whatnot.

Speaking to him was very enlightening. He was able to shed some light on a lot of situations that we were left scratching our heads over. We were hoping he'd be able to ID some people in the photos, but he wasn't any better off than we were. He had a lot of nice things to say about George. He said he was a good man, a hard worker, and very honorable. He also said he was quiet - something Nelson remembers pretty vividly. He talked about how he'd go along with Diane to Philadelphia when Nelson was a baby and needed a slew of operations. Sometimes George couldn't go due to work, and Diane didn't drive in their early days, so Ron would drive. He made it pretty clear that George loved both of the boys, and that made him feel good.

I have to hand it to him - he's got an amazing spirit. If I had been in prison on a horrifyingly unfair sentence for the past 30 years with no prospects in the near future of getting out, I'd be so much more bitter. He's missed graduations of children, births of grandchildren, the funerals of his mother and step-father (although who knows if he'd have bothered - I wouldn't have), the funeral of a nephew, the funerals of two sisters, and countless other things that we take for granted. His wife left him, and as a highly decorated Viet-Nam Veteran who suffered terrible post traumatic stress disorder and was shoved under the rug like so many returning vets (ask my dad), his country left him as well. Lastly, the system has failed him time and again. Remember this: not everyone in prison is a horrible criminal, deserving of nothing more than bread and water. People who have done things thousands of times more terrible have been in and out several times while he sits and waits.

He credits his survival to his second wife, Terri. She's an amazing person in her own right. She married him while he was incarcerated. They've never spent a day together that wasn't behind bars. And for those who ask (and they often do, so I'll spare you from asking the question), no, the Commonwealth Of PA does not allow any type of conjugal visit. They've been married for like 25 years now. She tirelessly pounds the pavement to get his story heard, and has launched a relentless campaign to get his sentence commuted to time served. We wish her well, and we will help in any way we can.

A few final tidbits: Nelson will soon be starting his work with the abused children. He's looking forward to it. My friend that I met up with in Cleveland who was looking to relocate there from California did get the job. He text messaged me last night that he had arrived, and was moving in. He starts his new job on Monday. YAY DANIEL!! I'm thrilled to have a buddy reasonably close that enjoys a lot of the same hobbies that I do. I'm already planning an UrbEx trip for the fall!! I had to let go of another friendship, but it's really for the best. It was becoming increasingly one-sided, and I don't need the emotional baggage.

Never a dull moment!