I'm Not Much Of A Fan

of holiday-type music. I'm a music fanatic, and I'll listen to most anything, but I find most holiday music to be too archaic, repetetive (Twelve Days Of Christmas, anyone?), depressing (anyone ever hear Christmas In Jail, or Spending Christmas With Jesus?), or just inane (I Want A Hippopotamus For Christmas - shame on you Paul McCartney!). Yeah, yeah - I've heard it all before, and I assure you, I'm not a Scrooge. Not in the least. I just have no desire to sing carols or join in another rousing chorus of Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer. That's not to say I don't like some holiday songs. I rather enjoy Christmas Wrapping by The Waitresses, or Do They Know It's Christmas? by Band Aid (Duran Duran - nuff said).

Among the handful that I do enjoy, you will find Happy Christmas (War Is Over) by John Lennon. I know it's a protest song, but I really like the message it conveys - anti-war sentiment aside (and don't ask me for my opinion on the current conflict - I refuse to discuss it with most people). I was thinking of that song today (it usually gets me bleary-eyed). Every year I find myself echoing "And so this is Christmas, and what have you done? Another year over, and a new one just begun." Then the annual inventory starts. So what have I done in the past year? I've taken in a few concerts. The CDB show last month was good. Charlie was a doll, as usual. Reminds me that even though I'm not in to country music, I'm willing to try something new and I give respect to raw talent. I got to see John Valby again in February. I know he's not most people's cup of tea, but how we laughed, and not a moment too soon - literally on the way to the show, we got the results of Nelson's biopsy, and it wasn't great news. I'm thankful that we caught it early, and the cancer is gone. We took Brenda along, and that reminds me that I have good friends, and that means so much.

Speaking of friends, I got to travel this year. Took my first trip to the Chicago area, to meet up with some new friends I made. The hours we spent lost trying to find the museum were just as fun as if we would have actually made it. Never underestimate the amusement value of conversation! I made two runs to Virginia to meet up with friends old and new. We were blessed with another baby in the family, and I got to see her for the first time on one of those trips. I'm thankful for all my friends, who were there through good times and not-so-good times to help me through. I'll never be able to pay that back, but I can try. Conversely, I've had to let go of a few friendships, and that has hurt, but life, like people, moves on.

We were blessed with a new, better-paying job for Nelson, and I continue to have a good job that I enjoy. We were able to pay off some bills, and inch a little more out of the hole we got in 10 years ago. I contributed time and money to various efforts and charities, because I believe in giving back. So as this new year begins, looking back on my year, I think that I've done a lot, and certainly some things of consequence.

Had the traditional pork and sauerkraut dinner up at mom and dad's today. Grammy decided to join us. We're fortunate to still have her, but I do grow more concerned every time I see her. She still gets around fairly well, despite her spine curvature and the fact that one leg is now shorter than the other. Her mind, unfortunately, is not what it used to be.

At first, she was forgetting things and repeating things, but not too badly. I would always say that I hoped when I got to be 86 that people would cut me slack any time that someone would mention it. Dad takes her out every Saturday for groceries and for lunch, and he said that he has been a little more worried about her, but it would serve no purpose to force her out of her home - we'd just be hastening the inevitable. My cousin mentioned to me that Grammy couldn't remember her two young daughters names. She kept calling the baby by the first name of another cousins daughter (they are similar, and start with the same letter). She told my cousin and her husband that it was nice that they came up from Texas for Thanksgiving - they have never lived in Texas. No one in the family currently lives there, though my dad and his brother have in the past.

I brushed it off - we all have bad days. Today, however, I really began to notice. She couldn't remember the name of my uncle's youngest daughter. She kept confusing her with the oldest. They all live in Oklahoma. We called down to talk to them. He told us that she was trying to show her older son how to skateboard (the skateboard was his birthday present) and the board went out from in under her, and she broke her leg - badly. Almost as badly as I did. Grammy had literally just handed the phone off, and she had already forgotten what happened to her, and then whom it happened to.

She then asked me if I had watched Gerald Ford's funeral. I said no, we weren't home. She then said that he had been the president in the 1930's. Nelson said "No, grammy, he was president in the 1970's - remember?". Then she said that she was confusing him with someone else. We were watching the Penn State/TN game, which took place in Tampa Bay, and Grammy made a comment about how nice Penn State's football stadium was, and that she liked their Pirate ship. Normally, I'd let that slide, as Grammy isn't a football fanatic, but "TAMPA BAY" was plastered all over the place, let alone that Tampa Bay looks nothing like State College. PSU is also not the Buccaneers (also plastered all over the place), don't use the skull and crossbones, and their colors aren't copper and red.

My cousin gave me a picture of me, Grammy, and my late Pappy for Christmas, which I love. It was on Pappy's birthday, 1977, making me all of 3 1/2. They both looked so young in that picture. That's the Grammy that I think I always have in my mind - she was younger in that picture than my mom is now. Looking at Grammy now is hard. She still looks like Grammy (albeit a little older), but it's like Grammy just isn't there anymore. As hard as it is, I'm going to really put forth the effort to spend more time with her (more than just my monthly visits where we bring supper - it's just not enough anymore), because the time we have left where she even knows who I am may be drawing short.

To all my friends, I leave you with John Lennon's final thought from Happy Christmas - "A very Merry Christmas (or whatever you believe), and a happy new year. Let's hope it's a good one, without any fear".